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When Eli finally collapsed onto the bunk provided for him, it was late according to the ship’s chronometer. He was still in his Defense Fleet uniform, smelling ripe from two days spent in a cramped shuttle, and the mattress was lumpy and unforgiving, but he was too exhausted to care. He would ask Kallus about using a refresher and getting clean clothes in the morning; for now, he just stripped down to his undershirt and crawled under the scratchy blanket with his shoes still on. He knew that he needed to consider the seriousness of this situation, what he was going to tell Rebel Alliance Command once they reached their destination, wherever that was.
But Eli’s mind kept returning to Thrawn, and the free and easy affection he had witnessed between Orrelios and Kallus. He and Thrawn could’ve had so much more than their furtive liaisons if they had cast their lot with the Rebels, he realized with heavy sadness.
Leaving the Empire behind for the simple pleasure of holding Thrawn’s hand in public would have been an easy decision for Eli — hell, all it had taken was a request from Thrawn for him to throw away his entire career, so why not join an entire Rebellion? He wondered if Thrawn would have felt the same.
No, Thrawn would’ve given him a lecture about duty and maintaining order. Rebellion was chaos; tyranny was a small price to pay for order. Suppressing one’s feelings for the greater good is necessary, a voice in the back of his head said in a mockery of Thrawn’s speech. Old doubts began to creep into his mind, that he was just another game piece to Thrawn and the physical aspects of their relationship were just part of Thrawn’s larger plan.
Eli huffed a sad laugh into the silence of his cabin.
Kallus had kept him talking for hours, expertly driving the conversation while Orrelios just sat there with a glower on his face. Eli knew it was an interrogation disguised as a friendly conversation, but he was there to share information and it felt nice to talk to another human for the first time in years, even if Kallus’s upper level Couruscanti accent brought back unwanted memories of those three months at Royal Imperial Academy.
So Eli had let himself play into Kallus’s interrogation technique. Kallus had mostly been interested in the nature of Eli’s relationship with Thrawn. Eli had forced himself to share every detail Kallus asked for, despite the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that all of it would eventually be leveraged against Thrawn. Despite everything he now knew about Thrawn’s actions, his first instinct was to protect the man he cared for.
But he had contacted the Rebellion to share this information. It was the right thing to do.
If he kept telling himself that, maybe the guilty feeling would go away.
He sighed loudly into the empty cabin, looking up at the colorful graffiti covering the bulkheads and ceiling — he chuckled when he saw a cartoonish portrait of Kallus and Orrelios in one corner.
It was useless to have regrets at this point. He had put himself in opposition to Thrawn the second he broadcast that message to Rebel command. Whether they brought him in as an asset or a prisoner was yet to be seen, but he was committed to this path. If a former ISB agent like Kallus could find a place in the rebellion maybe there was hope for Eli.
It was well-known that ISB agents were the most ruthless, ethically compromised people in the Imperial military structure, given free rein to do whatever it took to expose traitors. They were regarded as a necessary evil to preserve Imperial authority. Eli hated the times he was forced to work with their leader Colonel Yularen because Thrawn decided it was politically expedient — Eli laughed, remembering how bad Thrawn was at Imperial politics.
So how did an ISB agent find a place as a trusted member of the Rebellion? And what made him shake off all that training and betray the Empire? It couldn’t just be his obvious feelings for the lasat. Or maybe it was. Eli himself had turned his back on the Empire without hesitation because Thrawn had asked it of him.
Love made people do reckless things. Stupid things.
He rolled over on his side and stared at the dull gray bulkhead, letting his mind wander to the night after he was promoted to Lieutenant Commander.
Thrawn smiled softly at the Lieutenant Commander’s plaque onto Eli’s uniform, his eyes drifting up to hold Eli’s gaze. To anyone else in the room, the Admiral’s face was inscrutable, but Eli had learned a long time ago how to read Thrawn’s expressions and this was one he usually reserved for when they were alone. Eli’s face heated at that thought, and it took all of his military discipline to not squirm under Thrawn’s attention.
A sizable crowd of Navy officers, senators, and planetary governors that usually attended these things had gathered for the reception. Eli knew it was entirely for Thrawn, who had become a darling to this set on account of his sharp eye for military strategy and his novelty as the only alien serving in the Imperial Navy. That didn’t stop Eli from breaking out in a very un-military grin. After years of being passed over due to petty political reasons, he was finally a Lieutenant Commander with orders to join his Admiral on the ISD Chimaera.
He made the rounds, thanking political supporters and shaking hands with officers who had previously treated him like bantha shit but now saw the advantage of kissing his ass. He was better at this dance than Thrawn, but not by much.
“Allow me to once again offer my congratulations, Lieutenant Commander,” Thrawn said, appearing at Eli’s side with two glasses of Chandrilan sparkling wine. Their gloved fingers brushed as he handed one glass to Eli and his face heated at the knowledge that the touch had been deliberate. It was as if time slowed down and what was just a brief point of contact felt like a searing hot iron dragged across his gloved skin. He met Thrawn’s eyes over the top of his wine glass to see that soft smile once again.
“Thank you, Admiral,” Eli responded, careful to mirror Thrawn’s formal tone.
“I acquired a bottle of Corellian brandy should you prefer something stronger once this gathering subsides.” Thrawn pitched his voice so that only Eli could hear the invitation in it, that soft smile morphing ever so slightly into something more intentional.
“That sounds wonderful, sir.”
The heat burning his cheeks suffused his whole body. It had been months since they were able to steal a moment alone. The sparkling wine, his giddiness at finally receiving his promotion, the anticipation of where this night was heading all coalesced, causing a laugh to bubble up from his chest. So much for military discipline.
Thrawn tilted his head in a cautionary expression, prompting Eli to collect himself. The rest of the crowd was at least three drinks in and it was expected for an Admiral and his longtime aide to have a somewhat more informal working relationship, but it wouldn’t do to start any more rumors. Eli knew certain people — important people — suspected what was going on between them.
The party didn’t die down for several more hours. By the time they returned to the Chimaera, it was already night shift. An Admiral accompanied by his aide to his ready room in the middle of the night was nothing out of the ordinary, but it was a relief when they made it behind closed doors without encountering any third shift crew along the way. They conducted most of their…meetings in Thrawn’s ready room because it was the one place on the ship where their working relationship provided the best cover. Sneaking into each other’s quarters in the middle of the night was too risky.
This had been so much easier when they’d been roommates at Royal Imperial.
Not for the first time, Eli wished they could have a normal relationship — as if a relationship with Thrawn would be anything approaching normal — free from the Navy’s fraternization policies and the Empire’s laws against interspecies relations.
Thrawn had never verbalized any greater feelings for Eli beyond sexual attraction, but his willingness to risk dishonorable discharge and imprisonment for this thing between them spoke volumes. Most times, it was the only declaration Eli required from Thrawn, but on nights like this, with his guard lowered by alcohol, he found his mind wandering to what-ifs, making him needier than usual.
They slipped into Thrawn’s ready room and Eli barely registered the lock seal engaging before Thrawn pinned him against a bulkhead, slamming Eli’s hands above his head and pressing the full length of his body against Eli in an intentional display of strength. Thrawn preferred Eli to take control when they were together, but he wanted Eli to know his acquiescence was a choice and he could easily overpower Eli if he wanted to. Maybe Thrawn would let Eli hold him down like last time.
“You look most becoming in your dress uniform, Lieutenant Commander,” Thrawn whispered against Eli’s ear, drawing out the title in a way that made Eli shudder. “I’ve been looking forward to properly congratulating you.”
It was such a ridiculous innuendo, especially coming from Thrawn. Eli tossed his head back against the bulkhead and laughed. Contrary to what the rest of the crew believed, Thrawn did have a sense of humor, and he picked the strangest times to show it.
Eli’s laugh turned into a moan as Thrawn dropped to his knees and made quick work of Eli’s trousers, swallowing him down and expertly working him to full hardness with his mouth.
Another advantage to doing this in the Admiral’s ready room was soundproof walls. They could be as loud as they wanted.
Eli threaded his fingers in Thrawn’s silky hair and tugged sharply the way he knew Thrawn liked it, eliciting a hiss that vibrated down his cock. His knees started to buckle, but Thrawn dug his fingers into Eli’s hips to hold him up. Then Thrawn did something with his tongue that made Eli’s vision white out as pleasure shot through every centimeter of his body.
When Eli came to, Thrawn was still on his knees, disheveled hair in his eyes, looking up at Eli as he tucked him back into his trousers. It was a very good look on the Admiral. The only sound in the room was the two of them breathing heavily.
Thrawn stood up and wiped Eli’s come from his lips with one thumb, then licked it off like he was savoring a rare dessert, his red eyes boring into Eli as he did. He held himself with perfect detached elegance, knowing damn well the effect it had on Eli.
Eli was more than happy to give the Admiral what he wanted. He lunged, crowding Thrawn up against his desk until he was nearly bent backwards over it. He kissed his way up Thrawn’s neck, biting down when he reached his jawline. Thrawn growled and pulled Eli closer.
“Stay with me tonight,” Eli rasped against his ear. “Let me take my time for once.” Maybe Thrawn would actually let Eli reciprocate this time.
Thrawn placed a hand on Eli’s chest, not to push him away but to put enough space between them so he could think. He inclined his head the way he did when considering combat strategy. “You know that is not a wise course of action.”
“But if it was?”
Thrawn paused for a moment. “Then yes, I would.”
Eli was certain he heard the same longing in Thrawn’s voice. He buried his face in Thrawn’s shoulder to hide his reaction even though he knew Thrawn could read it in his body language. He felt Thrawn’s arms tighten around his shoulders. They stayed that way for a long time, as if they each were waiting for the other to let go first. Thrawn smelled of sweat and Imperial Navy-issued soap, his cooler skin soothing against Eli’s cheek.
Eli flopped onto his back and slammed his head into the lumpy pillow. That had been the one and only time he had asked Thrawn for more and the possibility that Thrawn had wanted the same still stuck like a knot in Eli’s chest.
He had gone to the Ascendancy knowing the probability of them ever meeting again was low, but now it was inevitable.
Eli didn’t trust himself to do what was necessary when that time came.
